In All Things

May 8, 2018

So I found out – no let me start over.

Yesterday morning Dominic and I went to my 7:30 am appointment and the ultrasound shows a
normal looking baby. No major defects jump out and the Dr actually tells us to treat this like a
regular boring pregnancy.

I was amazed at this.

He said the next ultrasound in about 5 weeks will tell us more but the NIPT results we’ve
received are not 100%. Hmmm…. That test is 99% accurate and tells us the baby has a possibility
of 90% for being positive for DS.

Thank God I had come to terms with it before he said all this. I will remain confident that the
child we get is the right one for us.

The nurse actually printed out the results so we could see the gender and Dominic looked. I
waited for my cousin to come, like I told her I would, and I was confused when I first read it
thinking it was a boy until I realized she was hugging me like it was a girl.

And then I realized XX is a girl.

I can’t believe it. If I ever felt like doubting God’s plans now is when.

I can’t believe another girl.

I am sad for Aaron, I’m sad our family will be lopsided.

have to throw out my list of great boy names – though I’m really just pushing them to the
bottom of the page just in case its wrong.

I know it will be the right child and sibling, I just can’t believe it. With so many boys being born,
a girl was due. Ai yi yi

I’m seriously in disbelief. After a day like today, alone with the kids (Dominic’s in Vegas) I feel
like another girl would push me over the edge.

This was the reason I didn’t want to risk getting pregnant in the first place.

But its God’s world, God’s plans, God’s goodness somehow.

God You are so far above my thinking, I give you my disappointment and submit to Your
almighty knowledge for all of this.

It’s all so far out of my control I can only trust You and believe with my word for the year,
‘Strength’. Give me the strength I need to not have a mental breakdown.

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There are some journal entries I’m not too proud of, if I’m telling the truth.
Why even post this one online I asked myself?

I put this out there to show the truth of what my desires and plans were for my family. I had a
very specific idea of the best scenario for us.

And it turned out that what I “knew” was the best kind of sibling – was not in reality the best for
our family.

I was wrong.

Sometimes recognizing that I’m wrong is the smartest thing I can do.

Finding out I’m wrong stings a little. It hurts my pride and dashes my hopes. It’s flat out not
fun or something I ever want to happen.

But as I look now at the past, knowing all the things that happen next, I see with all my heart
that God knew best.

Reading this is a reminder that though things don’t always make sense and seem to be wrong
turns of life, they do somehow work together to make a beautiful path I never saw coming.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been
called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

I can say now with all my heart, Thank you God for the gift I thought I didn’t want. Thank you
for knowing best and helping me trust You. Thank you for being my strength,