It Takes Faith
June 7, 2018
Today I got another call about new blood test results – they came back Positive for a 1 in 64
chance of having a baby with Trisomy 18 (also known as Edward’s syndrome) – with high
chances of death before birth or in early infancy.
My first reaction was, “OK,…”
I didn’t cry, I still don’t feel upset or worried.
I wondered if I’ve become callous and unfeeling or if the strength of the Lord has simply calmed
all my nerves. When I told my mom this she said the 2 nd option and then reminded me of my
reaction when I lost my 1 st baby.
That made me laugh (in a good self-conscious way).
My reactions now, after 3 kids, and lots of emotional and spiritual development, are signs I am
becoming a new person.
I told her the death of my baby would not be the worst thing that could happen. I don’t fear her
death. In fact, I fear the consequences of my own death more, but I know even then that God
has great plans for my children despite that happening.
I have such a concrete belief that it is all going to work out that I don’t fear any results they
throw at me. It is still only a 3 in 10,000 chance the baby actually has it.
And my 1st test, NIPT, showed that result as normal, which is a more accurate test.
Part of me thinks we will have a normal baby girl and another part thinks she will be a high
functioning girl with DS.
Only God knows right now.*
And I trust Him.
He loves me.
He wants the best for our family and knows what is best for His glory.
I love You Lord and commit any niggling fears or anxieties that may be lurking in me. You are
awesome and good. I praise You this night! Amen
It is surprising these results didn’t jar me the way those first NIPT results did.
It just goes to show that these chances are just that – chances. They didn’t pan out or prove to
be true. In our case, the accuracy of the NIPT was reliable. But I didn’t know that back then.
Five months before the birth of a baby can feel like twice as long when you are waiting to find
out if or how your child may be born with atypical chromosomes.
Living in the land of not knowing stretches your faith like nothing else.
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1
NKJV
“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7 NKJV
Faith is so hard to understand and grasp in situations like mine. It is more than belief. It is more
of an action than a feeling. And even when I feel like I don’t have enough, it is enough for God
to work with.
“So the Lord said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be
pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.”
Luke 17:6
I can’t help thinking that though my pregnancy was about me, in so many ways it wasn’t
anything about me. It was about faith and obedience to the Lord, as well as my unborn child.
This person who was being formed in my womb was someone who was created by God for a
special purpose. Every child who is conceived was made for a reason.
Every life has a right to live their purpose.
The chance that something may be wrong was not a good enough reason to end that life before
the truth was known about who that person really is.
It takes faith to believe that God has a plan and a purpose even when results don’t look so
good.
It takes obedience to keep the faith and hope alive and not take matters into my own hands,
making decisions to end a life or not.
Keeping the faith means to continue walking one step at a time no matter what. No matter if I
see where I’m going or not.
Walking into what is unknown to us as humans is scary. But that same walk from God’s
perspective is clear and safe and protected by God himself.
Do you trust Him?
Do you believe He loves you?
Do you believe He loves your baby?
Placing our faith in God is the only chance that is 100% sure of never failing. It’s not our faith
that is fail proof, rather, it’s God who is fail proof. He is true love and love never fails.
*Spoiler Alert: My daughter did not have Trisomy 18, but she was born with Trisomy 21. She
was also born with the most joy, compassion and friendliness of anyone I have ever known. Her
abilities to breathe sweet joyful life into everyone around her, are nothing short of miracles.
And I get to watch from a front row seat. #Blessed #Upsyndrome
